Winter blues have officially settled into our household. February is always rough for many reasons, but when you love someone with PTSD it can be hard for reasons they don’t want to talk about until it becomes too much.
I am not one that gets bogged down by feelings. I get overwhelmed, perhaps, but never dragged down by them. When I am under extreme amounts of stress I tend to lose my absolute shit. I haven’t done that in awhile, and the last time I did that I got through it with the help of amazing friends, family support, a therapist and anti-depressants. That was not a fun time in my life. I was way too much and way too overwhelmed. I did get through it.
Tools helped a lot. Talking to someone helped me just work through the situation and some times that’s all you need. A safe place to sit and just work it through. More often then not the solutions lies within us, we just have to trust ourselves enough to believe in it.
The problem is when you watch someone you love look like they are under water and trying to get to the top, it’s hard. It’s emotional and trying to remember what worked for me is not necessarily going to work for them. I am very much a life coach positive affirmations, listen to a podcast, and research based. I also know the only way through it is forward. That’s it. Move your brain forward. Again, that might not work for everyone.
What I found that works for me for every day crazy brain is working out. I will shout it from the roof top and I will tell anyone and everyone. On repeat. Go move your body. Every single freaking day. Find a work out or routine you love and just do it. Do it on days you don’t wanna. Do it on days when you feel like you are moving through sand. Just do it. You will find it absolutely changes the way you feel, think and perform through out the day.
I am made fun of by my family for this very reason. My daughter and my man both will look at me when I’m having a bad day or frustrated with life and ask me if I have worked out. If I say no, they will tell me to go do it. My frustration comes out and I get upset over little things. I know it’s time to go move my brain forward.
I fully understand now why my dad will tell me to get outside. It doesn’t matter if I have a headache or cranky, his answer is always the same. Go outside. Some times that means chores or a walk around the block. And don’t you dare tell yourself you can’t. You can. You absolutely can. Your brain likes to lie to you about all sorts of things, and the one thing you can’t do is believe every thing your monkey brain tells you.
So while we spend some time sorting out the PTSD and depression, I will get out my sun lamp that’s suppose to help beat the blues, supplements, repeat affirmations, and make us go for walks. Slogging through the sand and repeating that this season too shall pass. And being someone caring for someone with PTSD is hard. It’s emotionally draining. So it’s important to remember that I can’t fix everything and that I need to take care of me too.
I dropped my phone last night and the screen shattered. I started crying. It wasn’t over the phone. It was over the lack of sleep and the emotional toll the weeks have been on me. I feel selfish for feeling happy or feeling the need for my alone time to work out. I have to remember it’s not selfish. It’s self-care.
Spring will be here before we know it.