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Self.

I read this sentence today: Women are afraid of themselves.

Am I afraid to be myself?

I have to stop and think about it. I want to answer with: it depends.

I would like to answer a resounding hell no. I am always me, but that wasn’t always the case. I stumbled a few times down the path to me before I found my footing.

Judgement from the general public stops us from being ourselves most of the time right? Certain public places or people ask us to blend in a little and keep it down. There are a few of you out there that still are a bright yellow dot in a field of black; and you will not be stopped. Many have tried but it only makes you brighter. To that I say kudos.

But me.

I was a loud child. I was a talker and I still am. For those of you that know me, stop laughing. I am quiet sometimes. When I am sleeping or reading a really good book, I am introspective. It use to make me quite self-conscious. My greatest strength was being pointed out as a flaw.
I was told to be quiet. I was told I talk too much. Okay some of that was warranted because let’s face it, I like to talk.

In an age of people starring down at their screens and walking into poles, I like to talk to people.

In my primary school years I was separated from my fellow classmates because of the rule to be quiet and I couldn’t , it wasn’t really my fault. I didn’t want to be rude.

Being told I talk too much hasn’t slowed me down much in life. I don’t think a God given gift can be squashed. It keeps nagging at me. Even if I think maybe I shouldn’t say a word, I can’t help myself. In most situations, it’s almost a push. I say hello. I ask how their day is going. My natural curiosity in the human condition.

So is my talking too much a flaw or strength? Is it something I should shrink back from or is something I should fully step into?

I’m unabashedly talkative. It has gotten me to know people in a variety of different ways. I have watched through my experiences of working in public places where being a smiling and thoughtful conversationalist is a talent that not everyone has.

After I stripped away everyone’s thoughts about my ability to create conversations; I stepped fully into my creative side. My talent. My gift.

Just as I watched my daughter at age 2 become enthralled with colors, crayons, and the shape of eyes; I wasn’t going to squash that flame. She loved to doing anything with art. She would sit and draw and scribble at that very young age that I looked up and found anything I could help water that artist flower in her. I had books, I bought her more art drawing pens then a 2 year old should ever own, but here she is 11 years later; drawing. Studying eye shapes. How to make a hand look real.  If the universe calls her to that craft, who I am to squash it.

We are all have a God given gift that calls on us. Most of the time we need to quiet other voices finding our flaws before we fully step into who were are.

Self.