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Blue.

I have a confession to make. I have the Holiday Blues.

BAD.

It started the first week of December. I woke up in a horrible funk. I couldn’t figure out why.

About two hours later I figured it out.

The first week of December is not a happy one for me. I had two people close to me, my grandpa and my father in law,  pass away during the time frame. This year it hit me hard.

When my granpa passed away my mom called to tell me and I took the blanket his sister had gave me for high school graduation and I wrapped myself in it. To this day, that is my go to blanket for days I don’t feel good. It’s comfort.

I pride myself on being able to shake it off. To get on with the matter of living, but this time it hasn’t been easy to shake. I still wake up and go work out, and that is my sanctuary. My balance is a little off and things tend to be a little tougher. My concentration is scattered. So I went back to Iron this week. The lifting of the weight and the breathing in and out during each rep tends to be very cathartic for me. Everything slows down because I need to focus. Focus on the feeling. Focus on growth that comes from pain.

When that alarm goes off and every one of my animals know it’s go time; I don’t want to get up. I want to just stay in bed. I don’t because Grace, the lab, sits right next to me breathing in my face. It’s time to pee and eat. Jax the 2 lb ankle biter comes out from under the covers where he hibernates and starts to boss. Lastly, Angus, our black cat, wakes from slumber and goes the middle of the bed and meows. So there is no snooze button, which is probably the best thing for me. It’s routine.

I am trying. I am trying to love on myself a little more. I am trying to give myself grace. I am trying to answer when asked what’s wrong even thought I really can’t tell you what it is because I don’t even know. It’s just blue.

It’s not all blue. I play Christmas music each morning.

“Alexa play holiday music.”

“Okay here’s a station you will like . shuffling songs from holiday music on amazon”

Boom! Instant spirit lifter. For extra points, I play strictly Disney. You can’t be sad and listen to Mickey Mouse Sing.

I plug in the lights on the tree and make my coffee.

After all I’m only human getting the human experience. Sometimes that includes the blue period.

This too will pass. I embrace winter and December. Mostly because it’s the shortest part of winter. Mostly because I know everything that gets covered in snow comes out shined and new.

And not so blue.