I’m a little sleepy today. My kid, my only child, my apple of my eye, was up most of the night with stomach issues. You know, the one where they stand in the door and say something vague like,
“Mom, I don’t feel so good.”
Those words were followed by me trying to wake up and ask all the right questions.
“Do you have to throw up? Does your stomach hurt? Does it hurt or is it a stabbing pain? Do you have a fever?” Rapid fire mom questions to get to root of the problem when my brain feels like a dumpster fire.
The answers were very vague. She mostly just needed me to go through all the questions and look for solutions while being asleep. She didn’t have a fever and the stomach was more nausea. So back to sleep she went as I made my way to get her Gatorade and look for medicine I didn’t have.
Now where was I?
Oh yes. I was thinking about faking it through tough situations. I was thinking about how some times you don’t have all the answers to the questions.
I have never thought of any of my tough situations were unique. It was shit. I understand that much, but my friend had her shit too. That’s how we got through it. We found each other on a trail. We shared food and got caught up watching sun beams.
I would say most of my life has not gone as planned. I think I am too much of a dreamer, so I don’t always make a plan. I am more of a gypsy than I would like to admit, and so I float along in a caravan lead by unicorns.
I always believe in the best in people. I think you should absolutely root for them to win.
I am also becoming a realist. Not everyone is going to be cheering for me as often or as loud.
I have learned that some people are not going to be the best version of themselves. I have learned that I cannot save people from themselves. I have learned that I can be the bitch in their story and that’s okay.
I have also learned that some times the best thing to do is nothing at all and let Karma sort it out. I have also learned that I can be Karma.
Not having a plan has also set me free. I am not so set in my way that I haven’t learned to switch directions or take a back road when necessary. Barefoot, a breeze running through my hair, and maybe a little smirk.
The spark in my eyes, it’s there to remind you I know a little more than you think I do.
In my twenties, I was more of a people please-er and maybe not so sure of who I was; I had a rude awakening in my thirties. Now in my forties, I am more me. I just need a reminder that it’s okay to take a back road every now and again. The view may be just what I need.
I have to remind myself we are all out here trying to live our best life. No matter what that looks like.
Today that looks like I didn’t work out, tried to eat better and stay away from sugar. I stayed off the scale, stayed home with my sick child, and worried about my adult responsibilities. I did get my floor swept, dishes done, and laundry sorted.
I think I showered. I know I didn’t wash my hair. That’s okay. I am a gypsy. We believe in dry shampoo, bare feet, Pluto in retrograde, and sage.