Up.

Flying always tends to give me anxiety. Today I’m in a little Cessna. I am told they are the safest planes. Durable. Reliable. Problem is it’s winter. That means cold and clouds and flying into all of that. I can barely see terra-firma out my window.

Let’s not get into the lack of leg space I have at this moment. I have long legs. Let’s just say, one bad bout of turbulence, me and the co-pilot could get real personal.

The bouncing around, loud noises, and well, trusting these two men to hurl me through time and space is too much for my brain.

I have found when any situation gets too much; I shut down. I stop talking. I stop responding. My response to any type of confrontation has taken some work on my part.

Excited I turn into a babbling, loud, happy fool. I don’t understand why everyone around me isn’t as excited about the situation as I am.

Being upset causes a different response.

I get overwhelmed and my brain says okay, we are gonna need your to calm down here so let’s just reboot. At least that’s what I think my brain does because I immediately want to sleep. Or not sleep and just cry.

Or I get mad. I get irrationally upset over a little situation that isn’t going as planned. I do the freak out. I have to take a minute and say okay this isn’t so bad it’s going to be okay.

Because nothing isn’t so bad I can’t get through it.

Like this ride in this little air craft.

I don’t know how to stress this enough: I can’t see the horizon. I can’t even see a carrier pigeon. Or a hawk. What flies up here? Oh yeah. Me. In a small plane.

I’m getting to my point of this little tangent. I really am. As in most things in life, I get a little side tracked. I get distracted by too many details. The things I feel I need to control but can’t.

I have no idea how to fly a plane or to read the instrument panel the pilot keeps watching. That out of control feeling? Yeah. That’s the one I hate.

I can’t control the plane. I have to trust the pilots know how to get me there safely.

I have to let go in order to fly.

See what I did there? I just taught us both something.

In the great scheme of life we all want to hold on with both hands. That’s not how you learn or grow.

That’s just the anxiety talking.

Not one thing in my life has ever gone according to plan. My plan. Did I have one? I had a rough outline.

The best thing I have ever done for myself is to let go and trust the process. Instead of staying on the ground in fear, I keep looking for the horizon.