This week I’m going to write about something a little different.
I want to talk to you about my journey into health, loving my work outs and most importantly loving myself.
Important but different from my usual banter. I think. Let’s take a walk and see where we end up.
I’m going to start at the beginning.
I loved my younger self’s body. I have these really long legs and they make me fast. Pants were never long enough and never fit me around my waist. Tall and thin. I use to eat 10 pancakes at breakfast. 10. The rest of my day I maybe ate a lunch or I stuck with my normal diet of Dr. Pepper and Reese’s peanut butter cups. Did I mention I was I sports?! What was I thinking? Soda and sugar. So when I got home I was famished and ate everything in sight, or if I had a meet or a game, I would eat all the carbs for that burst of energy I would need the next day.
And this is how I went into my twenties.
Care free. Eating everything I wanted without thought or reason.
Beer. Sure. Nachos? Yes! Breakfast at 2 am after drinking all night, bring on those biscuits and gravy.
I couldn’t get enough.
Did I move my body? Occasionally. Half hearted. I wasn’t concerned. This was easy. My body was an amazing machine. An amazing machine I was fueling with beer and doughnuts.
The body’s a temple, that’s what we’re told
I’ve treated this one like an old honky-tonk
Greasy cheeseburgers and cheap cigarettes
One day they’ll get me if they ain’t got me yet
With me so far? Nodding your head? Thinking man, those were the days.
My body hit the brakes. Skidded. Locked up. I woke up one day and I had gained weight. No, girl, I gaaaaiiiiinnnned weight.
I’m in mid twenties and I couldn’t button my jeans.
I shrugged my shoulders and looked for the easiest way out.
Read: the most unhealthy way. There wasn’t portion control when I could go to a store and buy a pill but still eat everything. Portion control dieting didn’t teach me about food. It taught me to eat more fruits and veggies, which was a good thing, but calories in versus calories out stayed the same.
What was that teaching me? I knew I needed to eat less. Less what?
It wasn’t teaching me about food. It wasn’t teaching me about how to fuel my body. I wasn’t learning a thing.
I lost weight.
I got married. I lost weight. I gained weight.
I got pregnant.
Being pregnant was the time in my life where I ate well and worked out every day. I swam. I walked. I rode an stationary bike and I did prenatal yoga.
I gained twenty pounds with her.
I had a healthy baby girl weighing in at almost 9 lbs.
I wasn’t in a hurry to lose that “baby” weight.
I ate better for her.
I started moving my body three days a week out of sheer boredom and I lost weight. I wasn’t eating as much and I was moving my body. You would think the a-ha moment would be happening here; but it wasn’t.
I lost a lot of weight due to not eating and stress in my life. I couldn’t eat without throwing up, and man did that stink. I needed to eat but was afraid to eat. It was an endless cycle of stress and not feeling good about my life.
I went to the gym six days a week. It became my escape. I had a routine and it was all cardio.
I fit in clothes I hadn’t in years. I felt good about that. I looked good again. I was in the smallest size clothing I could remember. I went from a size 14 to a size 6.
I started therapy. I learned to trust my gut. My instinct were right. I was having a normal reaction to bullshit. I had friends telling me the same; and once it got repeated I started to believe it.
The more I moved my body, I started letting go of things weighing me down. I started to feel good about me again.
I got happy and then I got involved in my health. I had someone ask me to help them on their journey and I got surrounded by a community. I learned how to eat to fuel my body, and I learned that my mind needs to be fed with positive thoughts daily.
I decided. I decided it was okay for me to have a strong body. I decided it was okay to lose weight. I decided it was time to live for me.
Amazing things happened when I decided. I lost a total of twenty-two pounds and kept it off for two years.
I listen to podcasts. I keep a journal of my goals as if they already happened. I move my body six days a week for thirty minutes a day because my monkey brain needs it.
Some where on this journey for the past three years I learned that my mind and my attitude are a happier, less temperamental place when I move my body. I feel better.
I have a better outlook on life and I can play well with others.
I also fuel my body with healthy foods and keep junk out of my life. I have no room for negativity and I have no time for self hate.
This is my journey. I love who I am and who I am becoming. I am stronger physically and mentally.
I made the choice to do something for me.
Thank you for taking a walk with me.