I was a chubby, blue eyed baby girl with lots of brown hair and dimples. One look at me in my baby picture and I knew I never missed a meal.
I still don’t. I like food. I am a foodie. During my 46 years on this mud ball we call Earth I have learned that eating all the things I like has consequences. Like ballooning up to almost 200 pounds. Like my pants not fitting. Like my boobs looking huge in my shirts.
For reference, I am a size 10 with an Eastern European body. Thank God thick thighs and big booty came into vogue! I would like to think I was some curvy milk maid in a former life; but in reality I probably was carrying a walking stick, an apple and singing loudly off tune across the plains.
I don’t walk across many plains these days, I have a horse. I still sing off key but I own it. I also work out to hold off the temper and the attitude.
I recently had my round with the Covid-19. I was in complete denial. I really thought I had a cold. My other half was not as convinced. I thought he just wanted to get it. The day we went in for testing is when he told me he couldn’t smell anything! I said you’ve got to be kidding I can still smell. After spraying half a can of Old Spice in the bathroom; turns out I couldn’t smell either. Up until then my symptoms had been a dry cough, my joints ached and I just generally didn’t feel well. Then the fatigue set in. I got wore out just taking a shower. I took 3 hour naps and read four books in the span of 10 days. That to me is an ideal way to spend any down time! My smell isn’t quit back and neither are my taste buds;which makes drinking wine a fun game. My body is still fighting off the effects; but I am happy to say I feel so much better now than I did two weeks ago.
This birthday I haven’t had my usual burst of “this is what my goal is for the next year!” I’m working on my biggest, scariest goal right now. I am working on more than just a blog. I am working on a book. There I said it out loud. I started a story 5 years ago and life got in the way of my creation and my muse left. The idea floated out and back. It still comes back to me so I know I need to finish it. I have written some short stories. I have started other stories; but the middle and the finish is where I get stuck and scared. So part of this crazy year, I have decided that I am going to finish my goal. I started this blog. I know I can finish the story.
I am sure I will come up with my next best idea of developing a goal to work towards. 2020 has been a crap shoot at best. I am now enjoying things like getting up before 6 am so I can enjoy the quiet part of the day and watching re-runs of shows on TBS because I won’t watch the news that early. Side note: Is watching the news something we just age into? Because it’s weird. No one needs that much negative bullshit. I would say I would stay off social media; but I have way too much keeping up with friends and at the same pissing people off with my opinion. I do know I want to plan for trips because even though I am home body, I have had enough. It’s time to explore the world.
If I could just say a couple of things and then I will wrap up this birthday letter. Be yourself wholly. The path to being yourself is trial and error, but do a shit ton of work on yourself. Keep growing, listen to all the personal development you can get your hands on and that speaks to you, and surround yourself with people who want to see you win! I see people struggling with who they are and why they are “unlovable.” That simply isn’t true. You are just surrounding yourself with negative people and negative self talk. Get into therapy but you have to do the work. This comes from my heart and knowing how much fucking work it took me to get here.
As I tell my daughter daily, since she was 5 years old; Be kind, but take no shit.
I really can’t wait to see what this next trip around the sun brings. I look forward to it and I never ever forget how blessed I am to simply be here.
Cheers to the next year. Tonight I will eat German Chocolate Cake because it’s my favorite.